Saturday, July 28, 2007

Disaster in Martinez: Beaner Invasion!

Martinez, CA residents expelled from house due to terrible infestation of Beaner.

Recent local outbreaks of the Beanus Weevil (commonly known as "Beaner"), have been getting worse in these hot summer months, owing mostly to romantic months nearly 3/4 of a year ago. Infestations have been reported all over northern California, but most families are only afflicted with a single beaner or a pair of beaners.

One family, however, has recently been forced to vacate their home of three years due to a "Beaner invasion of ungodly proportions." The residents, Tim Waring and Katie Quirk, thirty-somethings in education and academia in the San Francisco Bay Area, were planning on a nice relaxed summer.

"We didn't have anything planned, really" Said Tim. "Just swimming in the local pool, re-skip-clining a protoflex argoblast, and reading the last Harry Potter! I'm really looking forward to the Harry Potter book, you know. I mean, is Harry a Horcrux? They say that this book is as good as Tolkien. Ha, well I-"

We had to cut Mr. Waring off. He'll have to find out for himself. Katie, said that the infestation started slowly, with a single Beaner. Then before they knew it, in the course of a handful of weeks they had multiplied beyond reason.

"They're everywhere. You won't believe it. Here, have you seen our house? If you see our house you can tell why we are moving out. They are EVERYWHERE!" Indeed a single photo from their tiny apartment belies the personal devastation that one beaner can dish out. We at the Martinez Red Alert News Squad pity these poor people, and wish them a speedy recovery.

[Click the photo to see full resolution]

[Click the photo to see full resolution]

Mr. Waring and Ms. Quirk have had to precipitously pack their things and leave the little apartment they called theirs for so long. "It's kinda sad, but we have no choice" Tim remarked. "Sad, yes, but we'll be taking one with us, as a souvenir. I don't think they are so bad, really. It's just when they take over, you know..." Mused Katie.

One thing is for sure. The lives of this couple will never be the same again.

-Waldo Crumpberry, Martinez Red Alert News Squad